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10:24 a.m. - 2003-06-16
failure to communicate
"What we have here,..... is a failure to communicate" - somebody in some film I vaguely remember -

oh, man. i *know* that quote. i've seen that movie. and it's the intro to a song i have somewhere too, something i listened to through my youth, but can't think of now. this is going to drive me nuts...

i don't know if i agree with the appeal of the simplicity you outlined in gay relationships or not. there's definitly an appeal to that quick, upfront way of checking someone out, the easy and straightforward communication about kink and desire.

but...

i like anticipation too. i enjoy wondering about someone else, the things they might want or enjoy or fantasize about. i love thinking about the first kiss, the first touch, the slow and sensual exploration of another person's body. something as simple as holding hands, or stroking the face, or arms, or neck. or hips. i love hips.

yes, things would be a lot easier if you could just *ask* someone what they liked in bed, have them detail their fetishes and desires and preferences - but it also takes away so much of the anticipation, the discovery, the mystery.

there must be a midpoint. some place that allows for mystery and wonder but doesn't involve repression or shame or fear. communication is a powerful tool, but it doesn't always work the way we want it to. i've always been just a little afraid to talk about the things i want, sexually - afraid of rejection, or looking the fool, in the eyes of someone who might not "approve" of what i enjoy.

that you can express what you want so clearly is something that i envy and admire and respect. it also turns me on, both through your confidence and clarity in what you want, and in what you've outlined.

i've spent so many years providing what the guy i was with wanted, but not being able (encouraged/allowed) to talk about what i wanted, or was curious about, or enjoyed. my whole marriage was a sexual farce, with a complete denial of my preferences, simply because they didn't go with his redneck sensibilities.

(don't ask me how i ended up in that position, because i still have trouble understanding it)

obviously there's far more to a relationship that just sex. (or at least there ought to be)

finding someone that you can talk to, be with, travel with, work with, cook with, live with... finding someone who will listen to what you have to say, and talk about the things that matter to you, and who understands, at least in part, about what you dream.

i'm still thinking about sex though.

 

 

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