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1:05 a.m. - 2003-07-06 i'm sick of being lied to, sick of being used, sick of being persued for my body and not my brain. i just got the sleaziest invitation i could imagine from some old jackass who wants a sweet young thing he can cheat on his wife with. coming hard on the heels of yet another whiny, grabby, needy little boy masquerading as a man this afternoon is almost enough to make me throw up my hands in disgust and become a lesbian. not that there's anything wrong with that, mind you. it's just that women are lacking in a certain je ne sais quoi as far as my tastes are concerned. and at any rate, many of the women i know are just as disturbed as the men. we just sometimes hide it better. the point is, it's hard to imagine how i could be any more disillusioned at this point... no it isn't. i could have not just met dave too. and even though he isn't what i need in my life, he's still a pretty strong case for men in general. thanks, dave. you just saved my idealism. ...or else you just put your whole gender at risk from my further attentions. i guess it could go both ways. maybe the problem is me. a friend accused me yesterday of setting my standards too high. of my last few failed relationships, all but one have failed over substance abuse and/or lies about substance abuse. maybe i am too picky, but i'm not willing to be with someone who lies to me, deceives me or uses me, and i don't think that's just me setting my standards too high. i don't want to ask anything of a partner that i don't also ask of myself.
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