11:26 p.m. - 2004-01-07
Kevin
i'm feeling pretty good about today (not that i don't feel fairly apathetically good about most days, these days). i decided to spend last night at dad's house, after going over for dinner and random television watching (the novelty of which, after so many years without tv, is quickly wearing off. except for american chopper and monster garage, which both rock. but i digress.) i'm glad i saw fit to leave a few changes of clothes there when i was moving in here... and a toothbrush... and a few treats in the freezer... it's like being at home...
anyway. woke up there, enjoyed coffee and the fabulous morning view, got a bit of exercise doing my part of the driveway clearing - dad uses his snowblower to do both his own and his neighbour's driveway (a good thing too, as you could comfortably put at least 6 cars in either one) and i use the shovel to do steps, walkways, and final cleanup. nice little workout. then inside to clean up and change, and down to the hospital for my "orientation shift". i only did my interview yesterday, but i guess they always need new people (especially jobless slackers like me with lots of free time) so they threw me into the training process immediately. apparently it's customary to give new volunteers a couple of "buddy" shifts, but after today's run they've given me an unsupervised evening shift, starting next week... daunting. but cool. it seems i appear responsible and reliable and whatnot.
why am i here? partly because i have the time, and feel a need to fill at least part of it with something useful (new volunteers can only take one shift per week, but can add more once they're settled in), partly because of my mom's example, and largely because this time last year i was spending a lot of time in st. paul's intensive and/or palliative care units, with Kev. the gentleness, kindness, generosity and compassion shown by everyone there was touching, helpful, and inspiring. and although my dumbass and unpredictable schedule kept me from volunteering there and then, i promised myself that when i could, i would.
so here i am, trying to do some small amount of good with myself, and most likely learning far more in the process than they outline in the little booklet... and thinking about Kev. and smiling. i miss you, sweetie.
