9:01 p.m. - 2004-05-24
licorice
the thing is... what it is, is this... it isn't. i haven't the words.
i struggle with inadequate metaphors and missing adverbs and images cascading in front of my eyes that resist the translation into text.
i'm still hovering on the edges of the dating world, wishing that my crush could care for me, and hating myself for wanting him to. wishing i could stop thinking about him but also wishing i could stop thinking about sex in general. maybe it's lunar, or hormonal, or seasonal, maybe i'm just to self-involved and self-indulgent.
it doesn't really matter. i'll get over it - i always do.
they awarded next month's dates today, and mark and i are booked for it again - that's another 6 or 8 days of shooting with dektor, and possibly (hopefully!) a fried okra job in between. the idea of working that much between now and july is terribly appealling - it's tuition (which was just raised. bastards.) and rent and food for a while into the year.
there are a lot of things hovering on the edge of consciousness, on the borders of my mind and the tips of my fingers, and i can't yet find the words for them but hopefully one day soon i will.
i can't hardly wait for summer and popsicles and showers. (licorice just isn't the same, seb. i tried. too bad. i better go buy some popsicles.)
