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6:56 a.m. - 2004-10-26
morning restlessness, but inarticulate
i like having a morning routine;
sitting on the kitchen floor, with oatmeal and coffee, listening to the cbc, thinking about last night's dreams, or the day to come, or plans for the weekend. (note to self: buy kitchen chairs)
it's been so long... years... probably a decade, actually, since i had routine like this, and i find it strangely soothing. maybe i'm just getting old. i know that it doesn't keep me from doing dumbshit things on the weekend, like not sleeping, or driving 50 miles to look at some water i can almost see from my front steps, but in a way it keeps part of me in check.
that part of me which craves routine, the familiar, and a sense of safety is comforted by the known, predictable quality of my mornings. the rest of me... the rest of me bides its time, only the flick of a tail giving away my impatience, and i wonder if i still remember how to fly. i wonder if i could ever forget.
i'm torn between such different motivations.

 

 

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