9:32 a.m. - 2004-10-31
dalight saving
It's daylight saving time - I don't know what time it is, I don't care what time it is. There are three clocks in this house, and they all read different times. Two have reset themselves (to two different times, of course) and one is hanging on the wall, black hands on a greasy metal wheel, telling me that the hours never change but the minutes just keep passing. I'm not sure whether that's deep or useless.
I feel incredibly lonely right now, but can't stand the thought of being in someone else's company.
In my dreams they chased me through layers and levels, down into the earth, tunnels and tracks and filth, the air itself unclean, imposing, holding me down. There were trains, or at least rails for trains, and stairs leading away, and no one came when I screamed. I fought and bite and kicked, drew blood, destroyed their faces and their bodies but they wouldn't stop. My body ached and my eyes were swollen shut, and I couldn't use my legs, couldn't get away, couldn't find help, or safety, or comfort.
When I close my eyes I see the station, empty, dirty, dark... waiting. And when they're open? Shadows lurking in the corners of my eyes, no matter how bright the room, moving and shifting in my peripheral vision, enough to drive me crazy.
I'm very, very bad company right now. Don't want to be around anyone, can't stand to be alone.
