1:11 p.m. - 2005-07-17
disparu
work, sleep, think, dream.
between film and being a carnie, i've managed to stay fairly busy and still find plenty of time to think so far this summer. the problem is that i'm no closer to answers. i still spend most of my free time with crios, and still find him endearing, patient, loving, gentle and wonderful, but i still don't know if this is really what i want.
he's many of the things i look for, and if he lacks some of the drive or success that i've had, that's fine too - although there are things that i want out of life that he may not give me, they're all things that i'm perfectly capable of achieving for myself. our dreams are not the same, but they aren't mutually exclusive either.
i don't know if i can be happy with him or not. i don't feel passionate about him, but he brings me joy.
when i dream, it's dark. oppressive. i'm trapped, or running, and the things i resign myself to are... disturbing. i don't know how to think about my dreams. i don't know what i'm trying to tell myself.
