1:20 p.m. - 2005-07-17
lies
and then there's grimm.
i don't dream about him, but i fantasize about him, and that's just as distracting.
i still carry passion and lust for him, and still enjoy his company a lot, but now isn't the time for us.
we both wonder if it ever will be, but if i'm moving towards something so serious with crios, that rules out a future with him.
i don't know if that's what i want or not.
i can say that i love both of them, but i love others too - that doesn't make any of them "the one", or even one that i know i want to spend my future with.
grimm and i are so similar, such good partners in so many things, that i often speculate on how good we would be together. i know he would make a wonderful husband/partner/father, but i don't know if i would be happy with him either.
really, i think i'm just not happy with myself right now, so i can't be truly happy with anybody else.
and i don't know what it is i need to look to in order to resolve that unhappiness. repent of my "wicked ways"? confess the things i've done and regret to the people who would have been hurt by them, if they'd known? does telling someone about my mistakes, about the things i regret but that they never knew about somehow make those actions acceptable? i know that telling some of my secrets would do nothing but hurt the people i told, and the small relief i might feel can't justify that. can it?
if you'd been lied to, would you want to know?
