7:46 p.m. - 2003-12-07
dating
so now what?
as a diversion, or a time-filler, or a simple narcissistic way to make myself feel better, i decided to throw an online dating profile back into the fray and see what happened. in the last year i've met a few interesting people, and found a very good friend and lover, and i'm not quite as shy about it as i was before... actually, i'm hardly shy about it at all - it's become, in my mind, like smiling at strangers on the street. it's just something i do, and every now and then someone smiles back. of course, the number of creepy responses is higher than i've come to expect walking around on the street, but also easier to walk away from.
so i went on a "date" today, and although i had a good time and blah blah blah, i also found that i'm really not in a headspace to be dating right now. it just isnt' interesting to me, partly because my heart is still at least partly in vancouver, and partly because i'm putting too much of my attention into too many other things. i want to want to date, but it just isn't there, and that's really probably a good thing. i need to focus on my own life right now, and where i think i'm going, and although i imagine that dating could provide a welcome distraction, it just isn't a healthy one for me.
so now what? i've done all i can productively do, in terms of settling in and re-establishing contact with old friends in town, and i need to be doing something with my time. i'm headed by the hospital tomorrow to get information on volunteering, and to sign up for an orientation class, and i've been tracking down yoga classes in town too, but that's only going to fill up a small part of my time... and i can't keep spending this much time online, no matter how bored i get. so unless i can get 40 hours a week volunteering, i'm going to have to get a job just to keep from going insane. damn. the irony, of course, is that i think any "real" job is likely to drive me crazy anyway. classic case of damned if you do, damned if you don't. but at least i'll be a crazy person with a paycheck, i suppose...
