2:04 p.m. - 2004-09-03
vic
so. i'm headed to vic this weekend for another wedding. this time, in theory, i have no responsibilities other than showing up and having fun, which i'm looking forward to. C was going to join me, originally, but it seems that he'll be stuck in the office dealing with deadlines (and then, tomorrow, recovering) so i'm on my own for this one. in some ways that's probably best - after all, if a guy i just met took me to a bachelor party one weekend, and then to weddings the next two weekends, i might start to wonder what was going on. i know he understands that it's all coincidence and odd timing, but still... instead he'll stay here and work and rest a bit, i'll go visit with friends from uni, and then sunday/monday is ours alone, to do whatever we like.
we were going to stay with Sandy while there, but since he'll be out of town this weekend i was trying to think of somewhere else - now that i'll be alone, i'm just going to stay on Dez's couch, but that wouldn't really work with C along; "current boyfriend, i'd like you to meet my ex-husband. ex-husband, meet my current boyfriend. play nicely." right. that'll happen. i'm uncertain about how to broach the subject with C though... i'm just not sure what he'll think about it, or how important it might seem. to me it's no big deal, since i know there's just no way - ever - that things can be made right again between us. no matter how he might change, or what he might say (or how i might change) i just can't imagine ever trusting him again. i think he's nice and kind and great, i just don't trust him, and that's the bottom line for me. still, i can understand how it might be unsettling, or even threatening, from the "boyfriend" side of things, and if it does bother him... shit. i can't really afford a hotel, not on a holiday long weekend... but it's still warm. i can always sleep on the beach, i guess. i would, if he was that upset by the idea. is that thoughtfulness or stupidity?
