10:17 a.m. - 2005-03-08
not-guilt
Strange sort of first last night; Crios wanted some, and (although my brain was good to go) I was all "no, I'm too sleepy right now.". Seriously. Me, too tired for sex. That way lies madness.
So I spent a bit of time fighting the residual voices in my head that were telling me that it was Wrong to say no to my guy's desires, that I should be all subservient and pliant and put his needs before my own, but then realized what I was doing, told the voices to fuck off, and went to sleep. But not before telling him that I owe him one, and it's his choice what/where/when - not because I turned him down, but because, to be fair, I'd been making overtures most of the evening. Partly I figure he should be taking his opportunities as they arise, and that he just put it off too long - sorry, this offer is expired - but partly it only seems fair that, if I'm going to try to initiate sex then I should prepared to follow through when he accepts the overtures. See? Right.
Thermodynamics today; efficiencies, Rankin cycle, turbines, generators, blah blah blah. It's all just numbers.
Then two more tomorrow, and one each thursday and friday, and then a week of blissful nothing. Or possibly gardening, which is simply nothing with dirt added.
