9:45 p.m. - 2004-08-07
crush. still.
how.
how did you manage to get so far into my mind, my heart, my soul, my blood? there are times when every breath is the lack of your presence, every heartbeat is the sound of your voice, every thought is the taste of your skin. i wake up with your eyes on me, i fall asleep missing your arms around me, and when i dream of you i cry.
this is killing me slowly, these tiny, perfect knives taking pieces of my heart, this constant longing for someone who simply... isn't. i know that you aren't who i want you to be, that you have no desire to be that person, to be anything to me at all, and somehow i can't seem to accept that single, simple fact; that this isn't mutual. that this isn't even close. you neither love me nor hate me - you simply don't think of me at all.
if it hadn't already taken such a beating, i think my ego would be shattered, to be of so little importance to you. maybe that's one favour he did for me - that on some levels it's easy to accept that i could absolutely not matter to someone, that i'm just not that important. i'm not saying i want to disrupt your life as badly as you have mine, simply that i wish, for just a moment, you would let me know that i had mattered to you. somehow. someway. at all.
